About

I had my second baby July 19th, 2012. Right after she was born I had an uncommon complication and my uterus turned inside out and came out of my body, called a uterine inversion.. You can read my story here, but be aware it can be triggering to some, especially those who have had a traumatic birth.

I started nursing school 4 weeks later and had to pretend that life, and my mind, was normal. But if was far from it. I had flashbacks and panic attacks daily. Intrusive thoughts filled my mind. I was diagnosed with PTSD a few months later once I decided to get help and went to therapy. I was never properly diagnosed with Postpartum Depression. However, I suffered with that later on in my recovery but was able to use the tools I learned with my therapy I attended months earlier.

In the years after her birth I learned a lot about perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. It took me a long time to feel mentally ready to have another child to add to the family. In March 2015 I found out I was pregnant! This pregnancy was going to be different. I had researched my tail off on what I needed to have a successful birth.

Part of my plan was to change providers. I decided on a Certified Nurse Midwife instead of an OB. One might say that was a risky choice as I needed a surgical intervention with my inversion, but I knew that she would be a lot more willing to let my body do its thing during the third stage of labor. I also got a doula. I wanted a natural birth again, which I knew the doula would help me accomplish. But, most importantly I knew I would need someone who wasn't there during my last birth to keep me grounded and emotionally in the present.

On November 18, 2015 I delivered my third daughter after 4 hours of active labor. The birth was everything I wanted, until it came time to deliver the placenta again. My midwife waited the 30 minutes for it to come out that we had talked about and it didn't budge. The hospitalist came in  and worked on it and it was just coming out in stringy chunks. Eventually they realized that it was attached too far into the uterine wall and I had a condition called placenta accreta and with that was sent to the operating room again and had a hysterectomy.

And now I am just trying to juggle the responsibilities of being a mom to 3 beautiful daughters while fighting postpartum mood disorders once again. This is my story...About motherhood. About mental HEALTH. About life.