The Trauma

(I wrote this a week or so after this all happened. To read about the Labor go here)

Ava was here but there was something instinctual in me saying I'm not done yet. They say the placenta just comes out and you don't really realize it. Well my doctor was still there with the cord in his hand and a "hmmm this is different" look on his face. I was still in a lot of pain. I asked him if everything was ok and he said yes the placenta was just having a hard time coming out. Before I knew it I was in worse pain than I was when I had her. I remember him saying "its inside out" and there were a few extra nurses there. Then all of a sudden I saw this bloody blob of something (my uterus) come out of me and a look of terror in the doctors eyes. He immediately tried to stuff it back in. That is when the true screaming and pain began. When I say stuff I mean jab furiously all over. Oh my gosh. It hurt worse than the worse contraction, worse than trying not to push, worse than the ring of fire. I remember saying "bad doctor" (lol) and yelling at him to stop. A nurse shuts the door, as I probably was making too much noise and scaring all the normal laboring mothers. At this point everything starts to run together. He called the anaesthesiologist to come. A nurse jabbed me in the leg with a shot. People were running all over. I remember looking past all this to my mom holding Ava with a look of panic and thinking is this going to be the last time I see them. The anaesthesiologist comes and does his shpeal about all the risks we gave verbal consent and off I was to the OR. I whispered "I love you" as the rushed me past Chris.

I was wheeled down the hall to the OR and there were people coming out of the woodwork. My dad was in the hall and just looked at me. It hurt sooo bad. They push me in there and there were even more people. I started to go in and out here so all I remember are snipits. They moved me to a different table. I prayed that my children wouldn't be motherless. My blood pressure was dropping (54/36 I believe is what they said.) Everything hurt. Something was taking me away from it all and I was going in and out of consciousness. A nurse I had seen a week earlier when I thought I was in labor was there. Seeing her familiar face was comforting...as comforting as something could be in such a situation. The big light over head was blazing in my face. Then I was gone. I was in a white tunnel trying to find the way out. I don't know if I was actively thinking or dreaming. But whatever it was, I was "thinking" about how I was going to write about this in my blog (don't judge). I could hear my thoughts like someone was yelling them to me through a megaphone. The tunnel I was in started changing colors like a video game and all of a sudden I was trying to find the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (I blame my 2 year old for that one.) in the PacMan maze.

Then all of a sudden I heard familiar voices. I heard Zoey and some other strange noise through the megaphone. I tried to say something but all that could come out were moans. It took me a while to realize that the strange noise was coming from me! I started to wake up for moments at a time and just remember seeing the clock. I could tell Chris was on my side holding my hand. It felt good, like everything was going to be ok. Then I would go out again. But this time I was picturing my family at the bottom of the room with a curtain separating them from me playing parlor games. Then I would wake up and see the clock again. Then out. I don't know how long this happened. Then I was back for good. I could feel someone else hold my hand it was my mom. I kept my eyes closed for the most part trying to process what just happened and asking lots of the same questions. Everyone came over to see me. It was strange because I still didn't really know what happened. Slowly things started to clear up. I remember them saying they were going to give Ava a bottle, and that was the first time I remembered "oh yea, I have two kids now." It was kinda crazy. Its like I forgot all about the last 9 months of pregnancy and day of being in labor.

I couldn't move my arms because I had who knows what in/on them. One arm had my regular IV and blood pressure cuff. The other had something around it and my blood transfusion. I was really cold and they kept putting billions of blankets on me. But I couldn't really talk because I had Oxygen on. I was kinda in rough shape. My mouth was so dry. All I wanted was a drink but I couldn't move my arms or say anything to get it. So I just had to wait until someone came over to me. My nurse filled my mug up with ice. I couldn't even lift it up I was so weak. Chris emptied it to about a third full, and it was still too heavy. Everyone slowly trickled out and it was just Chris and I. They took Ava to the nursery and I fell asleep.

My nurse came in around 4:30 before shift change and explained everything to me when I was a little more with it. I had already been up for about an hour looking at the few pictures Chris had on his phone of my new baby. It didn't feel real. I kept thinking "this isn't my life" and I will soon wake up and be warm in my bed.

My nurse told me the placenta never detached from the uterus so when it came out it dragged it with it and turned it inside out, kinda like when you pull a sock from the toe to get it the right way. He tried to put it back in, that's when It really hurt. But since I was loosing so much blood and in so much pain they had to rush me to the operation room. The problem lies in the fact that once the placenta is no longer there the cervix starts to close up, so time is crucial. At that point there were three possibilities. He could manually get it back.if it was open enough. Cut me open like a csection and get it through that way. or if those didn't work hysterectomy. There is technically 4 possibilities if that didn't work and I kept bleeding out, but lets not think about that. Luckily I got away with the easy one. and he stuffed it in place without cutting me. I did loose about 3-4 Liters of blood (the average person has about 5). And so I got 4 blood transfusions.

Apparently this is a super rare complication. My doctor has had it happen 3 other times in his 25 years. I had nurses say they had been in Labor and Delivery for 5 years, 12 years ect and had never seen it happen. Needless to say I was the talk of the nurses station. ....And that's saying something because I know triplets were born Wednesday too. Inverted Uteruses are pretty crazy I guess.

Chris and my family told me the worst part was having no idea what was going on. They just rushed me out of there without saying much and left puddles of blood all over the ground. They were left there with the baby just waiting. Not knowing if I was alive. After a while a nurse came in and said she was going to go see what was going on. Chris waited by the door and saw her walk up the hall and get called in another room. He kept wondering why no one was coming in to see Ava or tell them that I was ok or not.

I am recovering well just like a normal delivery at this point. I will probably be a little more tender than average. And I get these dizzy spells, which they think is due to all my blood loss and transfusions. But I can generally just sleep them off and I am fine. Ava is beautiful and Zoey is so in love. With everything that went down I wasn't able to hold her for 5 hours, so I was kind of worried about breast feeding. In fact that was one of the reasons why I wanted a natural birth in the first place, so she could be with me skin to skin right away. But lo that wasn't in the cards this week. I am so lucky to be here and raise my two little girls and enjoy my life as a family.