3 months out

The fog of just having a baby is starting to lift. I feel like I am starting to find me again, a new me, but a good me. So much, yet so little, has happened.

I don't really feel numb anymore. I can't decide if my exhaustion is due to lingering depression, physical from anemia, or real from working graves and having a baby who still doesn't sleep through the night. Either way, I am still exhausted. I spent 2 days in a row without a nap this week. That's the first time in I don't know how long I have done that. I wanted a sticker. But no one gave me a good job adulting sticker. Guess I will take a nap to celebrate.

I am having a hard time accepting that I will never be pregnant again. I wish it was a choice I made rather than one that was made for me. It is really a strange feeling to have a baby in my arms and mourn the next one that will never happen.

I am kind of happy my life has turned out the way it has. I know had I not have gone through the aftermath of Ava's birth I would not be as mentally well as I currently am. I would not have resources. I would be alone. Who knew that the mom I was trying to save would be myself.

I am going to start volunteering with Hope for Accreta in addition to my work with Postpartum Progress. I really need to find a job that I can work on all this and get paid. We would be rich!!!

Life is good. So good. I am so blessed to be here. I have lived through some crazy things that not everyone who has experienced them have. So blessed.