strange day

Today was strange. I hadn't had any bad flashbacks in a couple weeks. I haven't been to my counseler in a couple weeks because I've been so busy and I haven't really felt like I needed to. I've been pretty stable.

...until today.

I don't know what it was. We were talking about chest tubes of all things. That has nothing to do with a bleeding uterus. I guess it was the fact that they should be put in in the OR and it can be an emergency. I don't know. I so wanted to just get out of my seat and just run. I probably would have had it not been so cold. And the teacher was right by my desk area lecturing the entire class, and it would have just been awkward. Then I realized I should do my relaxing techniques and that calmed me down. But, ever since that happened I have just been in this funk. I hate the crappy feeling that they leave me to deal with. It just makes my day annoying. And annoying is not a good way to spend your day.

As much as I hate the panic attack filled flashbacks, I am glad I had one to show me that what I experience was a big deal. For a while now I've been thinking maybe I have just been overreacting to everything. But that showed me that I am human and it did impact me. I didn't make it up. It was real. It was raw. And I liked it. (quick name that movie).


On a slightly unrelated note, I kind of want to get my medical records of what happened. But I don't know if that will help me any or just make it worse. But now the nurse in me wants to see how everything went down from the other perspective.

Anywho, don't be boring, endulge in the morning and have some laughing cow.  I'm not getting any endorcement for that, the comercial just came on.

love and peace
Me