Guilt

I had a lovely panic attack at school last week. I was not expecting that one. We were just talking about newborns and how the first couple hours are critical for bonding. I've always known that I hate the fact that I missed out on those first precious moments. I just didn't realize just how much I did. So I talked to my counselor about it for a while. I have major guilt about not being there for her. Not being able to hold her or feed her for hours. Guilt that she had to have a bottle at first. Guilt about a lot of things. But that guilt is not warrented. It is right sided thinking. My left, logical side knows that I did the best I could in that situation. It was not a normal situation and its not like I chose to not be with her those precious hours. It does not make me a bad mom that I missed Zoey and Ava for the first time. I looked death in the eyes and was able to stay here for my family. That makes me a darn good mom. Our bonding is right on track now. She knows Im mom, and thats what counts.