sigh

Guys, I am so torn. My third shift at L&D was full of everything. The start of the shift I was so in love with nursing here in L&D. It just felt right. Then the mother started to hemorrhage after she had her baby. I couldn't take it. I left and cried for 15 minutes, then called my teacher and cried for another 10 minutes. I told her I couldn't do it, and she said we can talk about moving me somewhere else. But I said no. I can't leave. I need to be there. I wish this wasn't such a big trial in my life. I wish it never happened to me. I wish I didn't have to deal with all these conflicting emotions. I know that's where I need to be...but can I really do it? Will I be putting my patients at risk for being selfish? I just don't know. Only time will tell.